Running on empty

I’m looking forward to going back to work next January.

It breaks my heart that I’m so depleted at the end of the day, because I know my parenting suffers. It’s not harder now, it’s easier now, but the exhaustion is cumulative. The sleep deprivation keeps adding up (I so hope the little dude sleeps better tonight, but if he doesn’t, well, have to keep on keeping on). But the sleep deprivation is nothing compared to the depletion of emotional reserves from needing to constantly constantly engage, play, entertain, change nappies, feed, put to bed, and repeat.

My parents give us a break sometimes, and my husband has one-on-one dad time for a few hours on Saturday morning, but it’s not enough. It can’t be enough because all that time comes out of the same allotment: the weekend. Even if I had a whole weekend off – which I don’t want, anyway – I have a whole week on. Best case scenario, I get a couple of hours during the week when my mum takes a long lunch break one day.

On the other hand, I also feel like the little dude is still too young for long days at daycare. A few hours would be ideal. But, how?

It’s not the work per se that I look forward to, it’s the idea of going to a place that is not my house where I can step out of mummy-mode and interact with adults without having half my brain preoccupied with what the little dude is up to. Plus the flipside – coming back to the little dude ready to engage with enthusiasm because I’ve given myself a chance to miss him and remember how much fun he is. I’m really looking forward to that.


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