Diary of a toddler

5.00am – Ugh, I’m tired but I’m also hungry, this is the WORST, I HATE IT WHEN THIS HAPPENS, and it happens EVERY DAY and I JUST CAN’T EVEN COPE and WHAT THE HELL and WHERE ARE YOU MUM and CAN’T A KID GET A BOOB IN HERE?


5.30am – I’m in mummy and daddy’s bed, do dah, do dah, I’m in mummy and daddy’s bed taking up heaps of space. 

7.00am – I’m still in mummy and daddy’s bed, do dah, do dah, I’m still in mummy and daddy’s bed, time to get them up. Mum, hi. Dad, hi! Hi! Hi to both of you! Can I press your nose and you go beep? FRIGGIN HILARIOUS!! Hey dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad guess what? WE BOTH HAVE BELLY BUTTONS AND I CAN PUT A FINGER IN YOURS AND IN MINE! AND ISN’T IT AMAZING THAT THERE IS THIS HOLE IN OUR TUMMIES JUST THE RIGHT SIZE TO STICK A FINGER INTO?! I mean c’mon this is pretty awesome. 

7.30am – What’s for breakfast? Is it porridge? Or peanut butter on toast? Or a banana? I think I’ll only eat cheese omelets all day so I’m hoping it’s that. Hrm, porridge, good call, good call, I do enjoy the sensation of porridge on my fingers. DAH! Flung it on the floor. DAH! So satisfying. OHMYGOLLYGOSH the cat just came in through his special little cat window that I love to push open and shut! I gotta get out of my chair and chase him IMMEDIATELY. 

[Ed –  I thought it would be cool to do this post now that the little dude is so different to how he was when I wrote “Diary of a Baby” but I’m already exhausted and it’s only 7.30am in diary time. Which is also how I feel at 7.30am every day. You get the gist.]