Things you should have in your home after the age of 30 | Home & Property |


Here’s a list with each item altered to suit people who had a kid before turning 30:

1) pots that your child uses to make more noise than you thought possible.

2) a dinner table covered in random junk including duplo and unopened mail.

3) furniture with dubious sticky marmite stains

4) a drawing stuck to the fridge with a magnet

5) a plant that looks like it needs watering

6) see 5

7) a million small plastic spoons but where the hell is his favourite spoon?!

8) Wine glasses that you keep out of reach because they are breakable. It’s ok to drink wine from the a mug and avoid making extra dishes to wash.

9) a complete lack of any system for keeping order in the chaos

10) a copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar

11) an obscenely expensive baby sleeping bag

12) a cat? You got that before the baby arrived and fortunately he seems indestructible

13) a very big power bill

14) duplo in the bed

15) an assortment of kitchen items you don’t have time to use anymore

16) a bazillion stuffed toys

17) no solutions for removing stains from child’s clothing and little will to bother

18) alphabet fridge magnets

19) every surface covered in clutter, no idea where keys are, maybe in pocket of yesterday’s jacket?

20) plastic toys everywhere

21) see 15

22) a child

23) tiny baby clothes-hangers that you never intended to keep yet somehow still have

24) see 15

25) tubs just the right size for toddler snacks

26) see 15

27) some parenting books which definitely contain conflicting advice

28) a tool kit somewhere out of reach of toddler, which you last used to assemble the cot

29) see 15

30) see 22

Things you should have in your home after the age of 30 | Home & Property |