Epiphany re yesterday

Earlier this week I was chatting with someone about how we all have our parenting freak out areas that reflect experiences from our own childhoods. My dad is massively strict on choking. When he was a kid, his little brother was running while eating an apple, and my dad deliberately tripped his brother up, and the brother choked on the apple, and it was all pretty scary for my dad (though adults came quickly and dislodged the apple, it was fine). When the little dude was smaller and we first started giving him nuts, my dad would get anxious and leave the room sometimes, he couldn’t stand to watch him eat chokable things.

My freak out area is throwing hard objects around people. I even told someone this earlier in the week! I’d already noticed it about myself, that it stresses me out and I tend to be really strict on it, but yesterday I forgot. Having figured out why the little dude behaved the way he did, today I was reflecting on myself yelling and thinking am I more tired than I think I am? Why did I lose it so completely?

Because he threw a thing! And that makes my cortisol levels go through the roof!

When I was seven, I was playing on a trampoline and my brother threw a wooden garden stake at me like a javelin. He explained later that he was trying to time it so that I would jump over it. Five year old logic, huh? It hit me between two of my toes, splitting the muscle and leaving a mess of splinters embedded. I screamed and screamed and screamed. I was rushed straight to the doctor. He was concerned that it was too long since my most recent tetanus shot, so they had to give me a booster injection directly into the site of the wound. I was on crutches for six weeks, and just when we all thought it was healing nicely, the wound got infected and re-opened, full of pus. It was definitely among my worse childhood experiences.

Yeah so I think my propensity to freak the fuck out about children throwing hard objects in innocent play might have been a factor in me losing my rag at the little dude yesterday.

I’ll try and bear that in mind next time…


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