I love those yelling alternative posts, they’re often really useful, though I’m not much of a yeller anyway. More a snide sharp tone or a never-ending harangue. But also, there’s something darkly amusing about the conceit.
Here are some more realistic yelling alternatives.
- Saying “for fucksake” under your breath.
- Kicking a toy out of your way when it’s in the middle of the floor ’cause they always are and it’s infuriating.
- Dramatically slamming the dishwasher shut then pressing the buttons with a vengeance.
- Venting to the cat.
- Saying “arghhhhhgggggghhhhggg!!!!!!!”
- Saying “come on” 1000 times a day to the older child.
- Clenching your teeth and scrunching up your face and making fists of your hands then exhaling with the sound of a steamy kettle.
- Letting the kid do the naughty thing despite the consequences.
- Changing a nappy with ruthless efficiency and not even a token effort at engaging with the crying baby at the same time as calmly calling out to the toddler to stop throwing whatever he’s throwing while the expression of dispassionate despair passes over your face.
- Hiding behind the pantry door eating chocolate while the older one is distracted.
- Posting a short rant to Twitter.
- Sending 20 text messages to your partner requesting updates on the progress of their commute home.
- Saying “you can watch videos until Daddy gets home”.
Today was actually great don’t worry this isn’t a cry for help I just happened to see a “happy mum happy child” yelling alternative list in my Facebook feed.