Some alternatives to yelling

I love those yelling alternative posts, they’re often really useful, though I’m not much of a yeller anyway. More a snide sharp tone or a never-ending harangue. But also, there’s something darkly amusing about the conceit.

Here are some more realistic yelling alternatives.

  • Saying “for fucksake” under your breath.
  • Kicking a toy out of your way when it’s in the middle of the floor ’cause they always are and it’s infuriating.
  • Dramatically slamming the dishwasher shut then pressing the buttons with a vengeance.
  • Venting to the cat.
  • Saying “arghhhhhgggggghhhhggg!!!!!!!”
  • Saying “come on” 1000 times a day to the older child.
  • Clenching your teeth and scrunching up your face and making fists of your hands then exhaling with the sound of a steamy kettle.
  • Letting the kid do the naughty thing despite the consequences.
  • Changing a nappy with ruthless efficiency and not even a token effort at engaging with the crying baby at the same time as calmly calling out to the toddler to stop throwing whatever he’s throwing while the expression of dispassionate despair passes over your face.
  • Hiding behind the pantry door eating chocolate while the older one is distracted.
  • Posting a short rant to Twitter.
  • Sending 20 text messages to your partner requesting updates on the progress of their commute home.
  • Saying “you can watch videos until Daddy gets home”.

Today was actually great don’t worry this isn’t a cry for help I just happened to see a “happy mum happy child” yelling alternative list in my Facebook feed. 


4 thoughts on “Some alternatives to yelling

  1. I love the venting to the cat idea. I often wonder what my relationship to my cat will be like when this baby comes (did you know we were pregnant again? I presumed it would have reached you by now but probably should have actually told you…). He is currently my baby and people keep telling me how much i’m going to not want him around when the baby comes but I really can’t see it. I can almost see me passing off the baby to Joe while I try get more Dickie cuddles…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We kinda ignore Freddie, but on the plus side he has a cosy spot next to the heater by the cot! (That we don’t use anyway). I had heard your news, so exciting, didn’t know if I was meant to know yet though 🙂 yay cousins!


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